I think scott just propositioned me for sex
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
