Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
