so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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