Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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