I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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