we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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