walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just cropdusted the office
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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