I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
