I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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