weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
