Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
