I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
