So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The air was thick with penises
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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