my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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