My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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