He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
