You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
