there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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