I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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