My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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