I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
