What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
