I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
