I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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