Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
