So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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