it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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