I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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