Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my shit smells like andre
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
