ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
