in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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