My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
