when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
