I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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