can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you made out with another girl for some wings
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
