I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
