Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
