I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize