its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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