I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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