White coat. Heels.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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