I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
