I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
