Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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