Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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