You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
