is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
