Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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