It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
