after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
