i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
