i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
