two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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