is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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