At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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