some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
