I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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