Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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