My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
